Day 2: Terms & Co – Meditation, Mindfulness and Tantra

As I explained yesterday in the bootcamp basics post, the 30 day urbangay bootcamp program brings together three related, though slightly different activities; mindfulness, meditation and tantra. We won’t be going massively in depth into any one of them. The focus will be on cherry picking the best features of each approach and combine them in one powerful, transformative month for you.

All three methods have their roots in Eastern philosophy, though they can be found in different religions and philosophies outside of Asia. As promised, you don’t need to take a religious or philosophical stance, apart from some basic rules which I’ll explain more about tomorrow. So don’t pick some now, just dip into all of them, take the best they have to offer – and create your own toolbox at the end of the month.

Of course, the terms are often used interchangeably: mindfulness seems to mean meditation, both mean sitting still and tantra is almost movement-less sex. Well… almost. Of course, you are not here because you really wanted to sign up to a philosophy course and learn a lot of theory without trying things out, right? So… let me just quickly explain what is meant by these three terms – how they are similar, and how they are different. At least, this is how I will be using the terms in this program, to avoid confusion. Don’t worry though, this isn’t going to be a long and bothersome debate about the differences!

When I talk about ‘Mindfulness’ I talk about an activity that focuses on the present moment in a way that accepts what is happening in the present moment and the focus is on awareness about what is happening. This activity can be a quiet activity, which could look very much like meditation, or it can be an ‘active’ activity, like running. With mindfulness, the focus is simply to be present in the current moment – and to train the mind to focus on what is happening right now (rather than drifting off and thinking about what was, could be or should be). We will spend the first week exploring this concept, and see why it is so fundamental to well being.

While mindfulness is actively being present in the moment and accepting the moment, feelings and emotions as they are, when I talk about mediation it is something more purposeful. Rather then standing still and/or observing the present, when I use the term meditation, I’m referring to training the mind to do something or focus on something other than what is present, in other words, mediation has a purpose. For example, a meditation to train the mind become more positive, a meditation to increase confidence etc.. Meditation is also (at least in this context)  a quiet and stationary activity: so the term meditation means lying down or sitting down and not physically moving the body.

In the last week of the bootcamp we will focus on different types of sexual expression, including what could be loosely described as “tantric sex”. There is a lot of polemic around the term. For the program it is not really necessary to delve into the debate. Rather what is meant when the term tantra appears is a generally slowly performed sexual activity, where the main purpose is not to achieve ejaculation. Rather the focus is on sensuality, feelings and emotions created through touch. If they lead to an ejaculation, in terms of this program, that is ok. If they don’t… that is great, too. The point is to learn to build sexual energy.

So there we have the basic definitions of the program:
Mindfulness – focus on the present, with awareness and acceptance
Meditation – silent, stationary activity with a purpose (often focusing on training the mind to do something)
Tantra – a sensual sexual activity where orgasm (or rather ejaculation) is not the main purpose.
Don’t worry if some of these concepts still seem a little unclear. We will explore them as the bootcamp goes on, and I’ll give you plenty of examples to see what I mean.

I know that some purists will probably have some issues with this simple approach to the terms, but as you are not here to enrol in a class on Eastern philosophy, they simple explanations above will be sufficient for the moment. The focus of the bootcamp is to introduce you to a lot of different techniques. It’s about finding out which ones are right for you, which you like and which techniques and methods you feel are good for you. There are no right or wrong ways here – just your own individual way. And if after the bootcamp you want to explore more of one method or technique … come back and find out more!

Now we are almost ready to go… come back tomorrow to find out more about the simple rules to follow during the bootcamp time. Don’t worry… I promised no complicated things, and a lot of fun. Tomorrow, we will develop a Manifesto for the urbangay… with principles to follow for the rest of the program – and maybe even beyond. Check back tomorrow to find out more!

urbangay bootcamp: Day by Day

With just a week away, here is a look at the day to day program of the urbangay bootcamp, which starts on the 1. March.  As you can see, the bootcamp is divided into two parts:

Part 1 is the “skills” section: in this part, daily activities and material will cover the basic skills of mindfulness and meditation in a no-nonsense and easy to follow way.
Part 2 is the “application” section: here the skills from part 1 are the essential tools to take a break, have a look at life and love – and discover a bit more about you.

As you can see… it will be a fun month of daily, small activities, which make you think, change the way you look at life, make you appreciate life more, that are sexy and enjoyable!

To join – all you have to do is come back to the blog for the new activities. There is no fee, no application but please let me know how you like the bootcamp and the activities!
Alternatively: you can sign up to the newsletter (delivered as a weekly digest).
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Part 1 Mindfulness and Meditation
Wednesday 01/03/17 Basics of the bootcamp
Thursday 02/03/17 What’s meant by Mindfulness, Meditation and Tantra?
Friday 03/03/17 Here come the #urbangays! A Manifesto
Saturday 04/03/17 Switching from autopilot activity to mindfulness
Sunday 05/03/17 Focusing on Breathing
Monday 06/03/17 Daily life as mindfulness practice
Tuesday 07/03/17 Awareness
Wednesday 08/03/17 Awareness (part 2)
Thursday 09/03/17 Body scan – the quick way to check in with yourself
Friday 10/03/17 Letting go
Saturday 11/03/17 Mindfulness Recap
Sunday 12/03/17 The basics of Meditation
Monday 13/03/17 Meditating for relaxation
Tuesday 14/03/17 Meditation as a tool for change
Wednesday 15/03/17 Meditation for sex
Part 2: Life, Love, Sex
Thursday 16/03/17 Checking in on life: nourishing and deleting activities
Friday 17/03/17 Using meditation and mindfulness as guides: life choices
Saturday 18/03/17 Using Mindfulness to develop your life strategy
Sunday 19/03/17 Training Empathy and Gratitude
Monday 20/03/17 Mindfulness and Meditation as tools for Stress Reduction
Tuesday 21/03/17 Food – nourishing you mindfully
Wednesday 22/03/17 Mindful Exercise
Thursday 23/03/17 You are beautiful: Body Image
Friday 24/03/17 Defining your sexual self
Saturday 25/03/17 The basics of tantra
Sunday 26/03/17 Orgasm, Ejaculation and the role of breathing
Monday 27/03/17 Love yourself without shame: masturbation
Tuesday 28/03/17 Sensuality with mindfulness: Partner massage
Wednesday 29/03/17 Mindful Kink – spicing things up
Thursday 30/03/17 Mindful Relationships
Friday 31/03/17 Sustaining Mindfulness



Why 30 days?

Why is the bootcamp 30 days long? You may have heard about the idea that new habits need 21 days to become established. Unfortunately though, this is a bit of a myth. The actual number is much longer, and depends on a lot of different factors.

The actual number would be 66 days  at least according to science. However, it can be shorter or longer depending on the individual – and the habit.

Thus, the obvious question would be: why not a 66 day bootcamp? The easy answer: it is really about getting started on a journey – not all at once, nor infinite; but a little bit every day. This is why the bootcamp is broken down into 30 days. But apart from this, there are actually a few good reasons for this:

1. Putting some time aside for a month to kickstart a new “you” is a pretty good start. Doesn’t a little over two months sound quite scary? There are some books out there that ask you to commit three months to learn and apply mindfulness. They do have a good point: mindfulness gets better with practice. But three months is a long time. Some others promise mindfulness in 7 days… very short to really explore the concept and apply it. And so the bootcamp tries to strike a balance here: something you can commit to but that is not overly long and complex.

2. You don’t need to follow the 30 days – every day. I’m asking you to commit to following the program, because I really think it will give you the essential tools. However, you can and should follow at your own pace: if you feel like redoing a day – do so. Maybe you feel like going back to something you have done a few days back… no problem. I’m asking you not to skip ahead, but be gentle to yourself. This is not a race against each other, it is all about you.

3. Don’t worry if it isn’t perfect the first time round. If you feel like it, try a daily exercise again. Or maybe just move to the next day, revisit the exercise at a later day. Sometimes some insights grow with time and practice.

4. It’s not about 21, 30 or 66 days… I’m not hoping and not promising you that after 30 days you will be stress free, eternally happy and enjoying life forever. The bootcamp is the start of a journey… and I hope that after one month you feel it is worthwhile investing a little time each day into yourself. Wether it is by revisiting some of the bootcamp exercises, or exploring some of the areas covered in the bootcamp more in depth – maybe as part of the follow up programs. The program is ultimately all about you – and only you can decide what you want to explore and experience.

In short, I hope the bootcamp is a start of journey: a journey together, where everyone can explore themselves, as individuals and part of the urbangay community.

Body, mind, happiness: the urbangay way

I had no reason to be unhappy: everything was fine.
But I had a nagging feeling that everything could be amazing.

The idea for urbangay didn’t start as an idea to create a specific program or even a specific approach… In fact, it all started as a personal growth project … and grew from there. How?

A few years ago things didn’t really go well for me: not that there was anything specific wrong that needed fixing. I had a stable job at as a university lecturer, traveled a lot, owned a nice apartment with an amazing view over the Thames and the skyline of London, had a lot of friends, did lots of voluntary work and generally everything was just the way a movie writer would love things to be at the end of a kitsch romance movie. But there was a little problem, and that was I just wasn’t really feeling happy. Not really unhappy either… just not really happy. (If you want to find out a little more about me, click here)

the urbangay idea brings together lots of different tools,
for your body, mind and happiness

The issue I had wasn’t really that new to me: Part of my work and almost all of my voluntary work experience over the last two decades included different forms of counselling: listening to people and their issues and helping them to find solutions, coaching people or helping people cope with set backs in their lives. And while specific issues could often be fairly easily addressed, many people I have met over this time didn’t really have a specific issue. In fact, one could say, many had “it all”, just like me – yet they were unhappy.

As part of that work and because of personal interest, I used all kinds of different techniques to help people: From coaching models to counselling techniques, from meditation to tantra. Hence, I assumed that if anyone should have enough experience in the field to resolve this riddle, it should be me. After all I had spoken to literally thousands of people. I managed to make them feel better, surely I should be able to “help” myself.

the urbangay way is affirmative, sex positive
and as individual as you are

My first step was to start to look around to find a solution to feel happier and more content. I came across lots of different solutions: I checked out everything from trying out minimalism to reading how changing the food I eat would change my life forever. The problem was, that all involved some really big life changes – and a lot of commitment, usually immediately up front. And I just wasn’t prepared to throw away all my stuff overnight, or commit to never eating a burger ever again. So while these techniques clearly worked for many people, they were just not right for me – at least not for the longer term.

Other approaches meant signing up to a bunch of spiritual or philosophical beliefs. Often I agreed happily with many of the principles or some of the outcomes, but I just didn’t want to tie myself down too much. For example, I vividly recall how I attended a tantra training. It was really great, and I loved the techniques and the way it felt. There was no doubt, tantra was something I liked. After the workshop I went out with the trainer, and he told me how tantra saved him quite literally from the brink. The story was good, and I could see how a completely tantric lifestyle could do that – but the problem for me was that, while I really liked tantric sessions, I also loved traditional sex. I didn’t want to give up on all other forms of sex. Committing my life to only tantric practice was something I simply wasn’t prepared to do. In short, I wanted something that combined the best of all the things I worked with, but without the dogma!

the urbangay way combines ancient techniques, brand new research
and things that really work – without the dogma

The result was that I started to revisit my experiences working with others: Often, I concluded, that these  dogmatic measures were really good at helping people who had a particular big issue. But what helped people who didn’t have such a specific issue was not a dogmatic application of some form of life principle, but a collection of different techniques borrowed from different methodologies or philosophies. A dip in and dip out approach if you want: something like a smorgasbord of small nibbles or a big buffet of tapas: something where one could try different things, and that once all the small portions are eaten, actually leave you really satisfied. That in mind I started to experiment around.

Eventually more and more friends and people I met or worked with became interested in what I was doing.  They encouraged me to write up the tools and make them available to others. The result is the collection of different workshops, “30 Day programs” and books available here. All of them building happiness by doing something for a healthier body and mind. And encouraging you to discover more and become a happier you.

I really hope the all the different workshops inspire you, too. I know change is often hard and difficult… but it is worth it.

It’s great if you can say everything is fine.
And a hundred times better when you can say it’s amazing!


What’s the bootcamp?

I’m really excited: you probably have seen the stuff about the “bootcamp” around the blog. The bootcamp is something I have been working on – and I hope you’ll join when it starts in March. In this post, I’ll explain a bit about the bootcamp – and in the next post I’ll say a bit more how it came about.

In a nutshell, the bootcamp is a month long “program” that brings together bits of mindfulness, meditation and tantra specifically for gay men (although you don’t have to be gay, of course!). I’m a bit hesitant to use the word program, as it isn’t really a big thing “change all aspects of your life” sort of thing and it doesn’t require you to commit to a lot of time every day.

In fact, it is a small, daily doses kick-starter program: similar to a fitness bootcamp, just less work and more results. It brings together some activities that I have found to be really good to get more out of life: a collection of things that I have picked up upon or used over the years. Now I assembled all of it into a “meaningful package”.

The idea is that, for a month, you try out something different or think about a particular point every day. All of the points together, at the end of the month, give you a pretty good overview over your life, things you are happy with, identify things you want to change, and things you want to explore more.

I think the result is a fun month of daily, small activities, which make you think, change the way you look at life, make you appreciate life more, that are sexy and  enjoyable.

The bootcamp has two parts: the first part is learning techniques, basically giving you some activities to help you better control your mind to be present, and to do what you want it to do (you’ll see, that is not as easy as it sounds!). The second part, is applying this to life, sex and relationships.

In the first part, the bootcamp starts with mindfulness. Simply training the mind to be present in the present moment. If you are a bit skeptical about it… I totally see your point: I remember when I first heard about the technique, I thought it was really stupid. And simple. But after giving it a try a few times (and I needed a few times to get it right, because it wasn’t really that simple at all!), I realised what a difference it can make make to many situations.

The bootcamp continues from there: the next step is meditation. Not in a dogmatic way, but in a fun way! While the first part gives you activities to focus your mind on the now and present, this part trains the mind to focus on specific issues with a purpose. Meditation and mindfulness are then the techniques used for the second part of the boot camp, where it is all about applying them to enjoy life more.

The second part focuses on the application: first on life overall – and then quite specifically to sex and relationships. This is the real fun part, a you get to ask all the big questions, and use the techniques from before on them.

Careful though, this part is not your typical meditate on life and hope for the best outcome sort of program: it is a really focused way of crafting your individual life and sexual “strategy”. Totally NSFW … From food to masturbation, exercise to kink, from using sex toys to going nude – it will all come in the second part.  And you’ll see how the techniques from the first part of the bootcamp help you enjoy all of it much more then before.

And just like a fitness bootcamp, the plan is trying to get you out of your normal life a bit – explore around the edges of your comfort zone… and have a lot of fun along the way.

Find out more about how the urbangay approach and the idea for the bootcamp developed in the next post. And: don’t forget: if you sign up to the VIP list newsletter you won’t miss out on any bootcamp posts!

7 Tips for kickstarting the Best Year …ever – even if you gave up on your resolutions

So how has your start of the year been? Mine has been a bit rocky – and new year resolutions are awesome… but often turn out hard to keep (and some may turn out to be quite a stupid idea to begin with). However, there are a few things that can really make this year a happier, healthier and more fun year for you. So here are a few tips (mostly based on the urbangay happiness challenge).

  1. Learn a new language. Many language courses start in February (for example at many universities). That is an ideal way to rewire your brain to a completely different perspective, have mind-opening conversations – and travel like a local where the language is spoken. The other good thing is, once you signed up to classes it is quite hard to quit…
  2. If you don’t feel like learning a new language, you could just go easy(er) on yourself and pick up a new hobby: from stamp collecting to running, meditation or tantra. New skill – new you.
  3. Whatever you do… ditch your TV. OK, maybe keep a Netflix account for those emergencies of a Netflix and Chill date … but seriously: TV robs you of the time you could spend with friends, make new connections – or even have fun with your new hobby. And seriously, when was the last time you saw something actually worth watching on TV ?
  4. Avoid negative people. Yes… simple trick to make you more happy: avoid those that constantly bemoan the cold January, the state of the world economy or just the fact that the coffee they are drinking isn’t organic. Seriously, there is no better way to make your day worse than surrounding yourself with negativity. So… ditch the moaners. And say hello to people who realise it may be cold – but above all it is sunny!
  5. Start a challenge… OK, admittedly this backfired a bit on me. But starting a challenge is a great way to keep you motivated. And you can create a challenge on pretty much anything: from reading to running. Or whatever it is that you are doing. Think who can collect more stamps in 30 days… you or  your friend? – or can you both keep up with going fro three runs every week (btw… remember to join here!).
  6. Volunteer. I wrote about this before… it is really one of the best things to kick start a happier you: volunteer. Especially, when doing it regularly: it is also a great way to meet new people. So what are you waiting for?
  7.  Use To Do Lists. This one keeps you focused: First rule, write a To Do List before you go to bed for the next day. Like that you know exactly what to do the next day and get up with energy to “get things done”. Also, don’t forget, those lists can inspire some other areas of your life, like your sex life 😉 .

Do you have some more tips for a happy 2017? Why not share them below? Remember… whatever day it is, you can always kickstart a better year. 🙂 And, please, let me know how you get on!

Tantra vs “normal” sex: What is the difference?

One of the most common questions I have been asked about Tantra is if it isn’t just a very drawn out and long sexual encounter, which is a common misconception. In fact, Tantra is a completely different idea than “normal” sex, largely because the “focus” and “objective” is different, which makes it a very different experience altogether.

It is true that both forms of sex have some similarities – and in fact, start in very similar ways: e.g. by some sort of mutual attraction and stimulation. However, from the departure point onward, things get quite different. For “normal” sex, the idea is to have a slow (or sometimes fast) rise of sexual energy, leading to an eventual climax in the form of an orgasm. In other words, the focus is largely on achieving orgasm, and while it could take longer or be more quickly done, there is only a fairly limited attention to how you get there.

In Tantric sex, the focus isn’t on the orgasm at all. In fact, some people (though by no means everyone!) suggest that any form of orgasm should be avoided – as it releases all the sexual energy, and that could lead to an abrupt end of the intercourse.
Instead, the focus is shifted towards the “now”: during tantric sex, the participants don’t try to focus on orgasm or work towards a climax, but focus on the feelings they have at this very moment. I.e. how does it feel to be touched in a particular area, how the feeling changes with repeated touching etc. As you are not working towards orgasm, tantric sex can sometimes feel a bit more like (intimate forms of) massage – although clearly the focus during a massage is again very different. For two males, this can mean that erection is lost at times, which is perfectly fine during tantric sex, as the focus is not the climax itself. In fact, much more, tantric sex in an ideal form can be playing out in waves of higher excitement and lower stimulation. The trick here is that each time the next wave is coming, the wave can often be a little “higher” in terms of sensation than the previous one. This sometimes gets described as “endless orgasms” – although generally it isn’t about achieving several orgasm during one particular session, but rather coming fairly close to climax, relaxing again, before again coming close etc..

Because there is no identifiable climax (or release) in tantric sex, sessions can take a very long time: moving from wave to wave. Some tantrists will even almost stop… relax, chant, drink, eat etc.. between waves. While the latter may be extreme, the main point is to remember that the focus is not on any form of climax – but simply on enjoying the very moment of “now”, focusing on the togetherness, connectedness and intimacy at this moment. Simply put: a sort of “mindfullness” idea of the sexual experience.

Both forms of sex are therefore completely different in the outcome: the main outcome of tantric sex is a series of (prolongued) moments of intimacy. Climax is not directly relevant to the tantric mindset. For normal sex, on the other hand, generally the orgasm is in focus, i.e. it is much more goal oriented and focused on achieving a specific outcome. Of course, you can combine the two: for example, through an extended period of tantric experiences first, with the ultimate wave directed towards achieving orgasm. In that case, it wouldn’t be a true form of either – but possibly a very enjoyable experience for everyone.

6 Reasons to try Tantric Sex

Last week I wrote about the benefits regular meditation has on your sex life. This week I’ll expand this to write about the benefits that combining elements of meditation and sex has, in the form of tantric sex – not just for gay guys, of course.

Tantra is to sex what slow is to fast food: a totally different experience Click To Tweet
  1. Expand your sexual repertoire
    We live in a fast world: fast food, fast sex. Sadly, when it comes to sex, we are constantly exposed to forms of quick and rapid hookups and sex: just think of the average porn scene – from undressing to orgasm in five minutes. No wonder we have become “fast sex junkies”. But just as no person can (or at least should not!) live from fast food alone, having only fast sex simply is a bad idea. Try to slow down and go slow food … or tantric sex once in a while.
  2. Share real connection with someone
    Much of today’s sex is also focused on the orgasm itself: whatever way you get there, the main act is often cumming. Of course, it is a great feeling… but focusing so much on orgasm (both in the sense of getting to it – or sometimes avoiding it for a while) takes your attention away from the real purpose of sex: the actual connection with someone else.
  3. Move beyond sexual small talk
    Have you ever been to a networking party? How did you feel afterwards? Excited maybe? Wanted to know more about one or two people you met? Disappointed at the superficiality of the talking? Fast sex really has a lot in coming with networking parties: you connect for a few minutes on a sexual level and then move on. Don’t get me wrong – networking parties are great (so is fast sex, thank you!). But they can’t ever be as emotionally satisfactory as a long dinner or spending a day together. In the same way, tantric sex allows you to move beyond the sexual small talk – and have sexual conversation.
  4. Learn a whole new language
    Learning new languages is a great thing, isn’t it? It expands your horizons, lets you see the world in different words… what if I tell you there is a language out there that is universal, but most people have forgotten how to speak it? Enter the language of sexual communication: no words, based on breathing – and offering pure erotic and sexual connection. Sounds like a mouthful? That’s because it is… it’s not easy when you do it for the first time – but imagine the benefits a whole new language can bring when you master it.
  5. Learn to give and receive love
    Traditional sex is mostly focused on giving and receiving satisfaction. Of course, that can be great – and good if you both get it (or annoying if you end up with a hook up who cums and then doesn’t reciprocate). Naturally, giving and receiving satisfaction is great. But in tantric sex you can actually move beyond the satisfaction focus, and through the more intimate connection learn to give a real feeling of love with your partner or loved one. [If you are into the spiritual side of it, you talk about the heart chakra opening here…]
  6. More than sexual satisfaction
    Sex is great, it’s satisfying. Cumming is a great stress reliever. It makes people happy – and there are many good physiological reasons for that. The problem is, that in traditional sex, you get a quick hit of the satisfaction (physiologically for example through a massive hit of oxytocin) and then you crash a bit like coming down from a sugar high. With tantric sex, things are slower, longer – like a low GI food: it will keep you satisfied longer.

Of course, all of these benefits don’t come in one go. When starting out, I remember going to a tantra workshop and nearly falling asleep… I had become so unaccustomed to this form of sex. I couldn’t understand the language, I kept thinking about cumming and the idea of just touching the other guy for even ten minutes without ‘real sex’ felt like a total foreign territory. I’m also not exactly someone who goes for all the spiritual stuff – at least not as long as there isn’t a reasonable explanation (like the importance of oxytocin!). Luckily though I persisted with myself a bit, and after a few times I discovered how much more interesting I can make sex with people I really care about when I move beyond the quick and satisfaction-focused “fun only” approach. So, I totally get you if you find tantric sex weird or even confusing at first – or totally don’t get the benefits of it. But persist a bit, and I guarantee you, you’ll learn not just to cum – but give and receive satisfaction, love and real inner connection on a whole new level.

Meditation… and Sex

Last week I wrote about the benefits of exercise for sex. And while moderate exercise will make your sex more fun,  meditation can add even more enjoyment to your sex life… Here are 5 reasons why:

  1. Being in the moment
    this is probably the biggest benefit: meditation teaches you to focus on the moment. During mediation that is usually the breathing or the voice if you follow guided mediation…  Once you master the technique, you can obviously use it in other scenarios: really feel the sexual contact that you have – rather than thinking what you need to do tomorrow. In other words, you learn to focus on the here and there – and that in itself is a major boost for sex.
  2. Meditation increases energy
    If you read last weeks article, you’ll know this one: More energy makes for better, longer, more frequent sex… and possible for more fun filled sex as well (try sleeping with someone when you’re really tired!). Well.. meditation increases energy levels similar to – if not more then – sleeping. So, you can imagine the benefits!
  3. Meditation decreases stress
    Stress is simply put a massive sex-zapper… basically it kills your testosterone, you’re less like to enjoy sex and even if you have sex, you’re likely to rush and not be in the moment. So, with meditation busting stress equal to, if not more so then exercise… give your sex life a boost by switching off for a few minutes every day.
  4. Meditation makes you appreciate slow, sensual sex
    This is a bit of a person thing maybe… Don’t get me wrong, quick sex can be great and thrilling. But only quick sex, or the sort of mechanical sex so often shown in porn, should be just one option on the menu. I mean, after all, would you choose the same dish at lunch every day, even if it was really good? There you go… so doing things in different ways, including slow, long and sensual broadens your sexual repertoire and makes you enjoy sex much more.
  5. Maybe… Mirror Neurons
    Mirror Neurons are the love affair and envogue item of many holistic gurus. Basically, they are assumed to be neurons traveling between persons to make both persons feel how the other is feeling. Meditation is supposed to increase the functioning of mirror neurons. I’m not trying to get into the debate – some people say they exist and work, others seem to claim this is all more or less a placebo effect. Either way, being close together and and sensual (tantra anyone?) should give the other person a good feeling – neurons here or there.

I haven’t found a “big bang” study to support a link between meditation and sex per se…(there are many though that talk about indirect links – or links specifically for females). Anyway… why not try it for yourself and see? Meditate, alone – or with your partner. And while you’re getting into a meditation routine, why not try and complement it all with some tantra?