Give the Gift of Tantra

Christmas is the time of giving… but giving just another perfume, more wine or the latest underwear often isn’t as meaningful as something really deep and connected. So, this Christmas, why not give something that no money can buy to the most important person(s) in your life: pure love, sacred intimacy and unconditional pleasure?

If you have already experimented with tantra, you’ll know how the most basic tantric “steps” can bring new levels of intimacy and connectedness to you and your partner. And if you haven’t tried out this powerful way to connect, why not do it right now? The good news: you don’t have to be a tantra master to feel the effects, and you don’t need several hours or many esoteric techniques to get started. Here are a five basic steps for your “Gift of Tatra”:

1) Set the scene and bring some time
Light some nice candles, select some relaxing music – and bring some time for the session. Remember the point of tantra is not a focus on the genitalia (and orgasm), but it is a whole body experience.

2) Begin by making a connection
Tantra is about connecting with the partner: start by breathing together, slowly moving on to touching your partner. Remember to it is about the whole body and about making a connection. Don’t head straight for the cock, balls, and ass… but take your time to explore the magic of touch. To explore  more about making a connection through touch and breathing, see Day 18 of Sexual Discovery.

3) Slowly move towards giving (and receiving)
The emphasis is on slow. Enjoy teasing your partner, gently stroking him, brushing your arm against his erogenous zones etc… and allow him to give back if he wants to!

4) Lingam Massage
Massage his body, feel the connection and slowly move towards the penis (or lingam) as the final act in your “gift of tantra). Lingam massage (find out more here) can be one of the most powerful ways to stimulate your partner, therefore, again remember to play slow and aim to avoid a quick orgasm. See this article for more on how to give multiple orgasms to your partner.

5) Finish where you started
Remember to connect and breathe together after your partner has climaxed. The time immediately after releasing all the powerful sexual energy is the best to really connect and create an intense feeling of intimacy.

The main point: enjoy the experience! And it will definitely be an unforgettable gift for your partner – and yourself!

5 Reasons to schedule a long sex session with your partner – right now.

With the nights getting longer, here are five great reasons to make room in your busy schedule for a longer sex session with your partner – right now.

1. Really feel the sex
Spontaneous and quick sex is great, however, it is often over before your mind had time to “arrive”. Scheduling a longer session gives both of you time to prepare, look forward to and really bring your mind with you to feel all the sensations and be present.

2. Create intimacy
Often sex is confused with creating intimacy in a relationship. And while sex is really important in maintaining a relationship, what really counts is not the number of times you have sex – but the intimacy you are creating while having sex. Slow sex really gives time for intimacy feelings to develop, injecting tons of intimacy into your relationship.

3. Feel good afterwards
Long sex is a master in giving you afterglow. Why? It gives time for all the happy hormones you produce during sex to really play their role in your body. The result? A happy smile for hours to come!

4. Connecting beyond your sexual partner
Long lasting sex actually helps you connect to people beyond the ones you are having sex with. Feelings of intimacy with your partner and satisfaction often reflect into other parts of your life, and help you make more friendly and positive connections beyond the person you had sex with!

5. De-stress
Finally, sex is one of the best ways to de-stress. Had a hard day at work? There is an easy way to be more productive again the next day: switch off the TV and bring some real intimacy into your life with your partner.

Ready for some slow sex?
Check out some of the tips of creating long-lasting intimate connections in the Sexual Discovery workshop and book: From connections through touch with your partner – to edging yourself if you don’t have a partner right now. And don’t forget, the Tantric Vibes workshop starts in January!

Day 21: Tantric Sex

A deep meditation, a holy communion and a dance with the force of creation. (Marcus Allen) Click To Tweet

Today’s objective: Create a tantric experience

While Tantra often gets associated mostly with massage, tantric play can be much more between two or more lovers. The first and most important key to tantric play is that orgasm is not the objective. Rather, tantric play emphasises the intimate connections between lovers, through mutual touch, meditation, massage and sex.

It makes sense that such a play session is not hurried, rather that it slowly evolves from the initial connecting phases to actual sex and climax. While the popular idea of three or more hours of sex is quite extreme, you can imagine that this type of playing takes significantly more time than the standard “fuck and go”. The effect of this is that, especially after some training, sex starts to take a whole new meaning for tantric practitioners: it becomes an intensely satisfying experience. And while it takes some amount of planning, the increased satisfaction and pleasure derived from a full tantric session makes this worthwhile. As one participant said: “When I started practicing tantric sex, simply finding the time and peace was a challenge. But the more I practiced, the better it got. And eventually having tantric sessions has become like planning afternoons or evenings for me and my partner. We really have certain days where we are fully planning ahead to perform a tantric session in the evening, for example. The reward is certainly worth it. As we are now much more soulmates, connected through intimacy and mind-blowing sessions of sex”.

Rituals and scripts are the cornerstone of tradition-inspired spiritual tantra practice. However,

[End of preview]

The full Sexual Discovery for Gay Men workshop materials  are now available as a soft cover book, ebook and directly downloadable PDF!

30 days of sex positive activities, self discovery
and hot, playful learning!

Available from any good bookseller.
ISBN 978-1973779131 (soft cover)   978-1370218707 (eBook)
To order online see bookfinder  or Amazon:   US – UK – CADE – FRIT – IN – JP – BR

Or as a digital PDF download here:

Day 20: Prostate Massage

Easier to find than a G-spot. Harder to forget. Click To Tweet

Today’s objective: Brush up on the male G-spot

It’s probably a pretty open secret that a man’s most pleasurable body part is not the penis… but what lies behind the penis: the prostate gland, the male g-spot or the scared gland as some tantric practitioners call it. Whatever you call it, it is the gland that gives you the most pleasure when you bottom – or when you massage the scrotum.

If you have never tried to locate the gland, it is also fairly easy to find. You can try it out either by yourself or on your partner: Insert a (well lubricated) finger in the anus. Now bend the finger slightly towards the penis. You’ll feel a small, walnut-size “bump”. This is the prostate gland.

Giving and receiving a prostate massage can be a highly pleasurable experience for both guys: For the receiver because… [End of preview]

The full Sexual Discovery for Gay Men workshop materials  are now available as a soft cover book, ebook and directly downloadable PDF!

30 days of sex positive activities, self discovery
and hot, playful learning!

Available from any good bookseller.
ISBN 978-1973779131 (soft cover)   978-1370218707 (eBook)
To order online see bookfinder  or Amazon:   US – UK – CADE – FRIT – IN – JP – BR

Or as a digital PDF download here:

Day 19: Tantric Genital Massage (Lingam Massage)

Touch me, touch the palm of your hand to my body as I pass. (Walt Whitman) Click To Tweet

Today’s objective: Explore tantric massage techniques

Tantric massage has achieved something of a nearly mystical status. And while it is an amazing ways to massage your partner, in the end, tantric massage is relatively similar to a gentle massage… with the exception of it ending up focusing on the penis (or lingam as it is called in Tantric circles). Of course, it is important to remember that, although there is focus on the penis, an actual orgasm is a bonus – but it is not the foremost goal of the massage.

To start a tantric massage session make sure the room is warm and comfortable. Music can help enormously to relax. If you want you can use a connection ritual to start the massage: Either use the one from yesterday, or alternatively, ask the person to lie on his front, and touch each chakra gently for three breaths. Synchronise your breathing and start at the heart chakra, and then work your way from the root chakra to the crown chakra (see yesterday). Once you have connected, ask the person to turn around and, start gently massaging his back, shoulder, arms, his legs and his arse. Once you are done with the back, ask him to turn around. You can return to the shoulders, then his chest, tummy and legs. Remember there is no correct or incorrect way to massage him or any sequence to follow. It is about connecting and preparing him for the lingam massage. A few tips:… [End of preview]

The full Sexual Discovery for Gay Men workshop materials  are now available as a soft cover book, ebook and directly downloadable PDF!

30 days of sex positive activities, self discovery
and hot, playful learning!

Available from any good bookseller.
ISBN 978-1973779131 (soft cover)   978-1370218707 (eBook)
To order online see bookfinder  or Amazon:   US – UK – CADE – FRIT – IN – JP – BR

Or as a digital PDF download here:

Day 18: Tantra Breathing and Connecting

Love has the same relationship to the soul as breathing has to the body (Osho) Click To Tweet

Today’s objective: Experiment with tantric connection

Tantra, at least for gay men, has become synonymous for massage through the pioneering work of several writers and teachers who have adopted Tantra to gay sex. However, it is important to note that Tantra goes far beyond slow and intimate forms of massage: it is about connecting fully with the other person through breathing, touch and sex. In other words, it is about a deep and intimate connection.

Tantra has some similarities to Taoist views about sex. Two particularly important similarities are that both use breathing extensively (though differently) and both consider the way you have sex more important than orgasm and especially ejaculation. Different to Taoism, many Tantra practitioners do not practice semen retention, although some have adopted this from Taoism.

Tantric sex generally heaps a lot of spirituality onto having sex, something that maybe appealing for some, but very off-putting for others. Over the next few days I’m inviting you to explore Tantra not from a spiritual perspective, but to focus on the experience. I’m therefore not going to delve into many of the more spiritual explanations and practices, but focus more on the techniques that make Tantra a very uniquely intimately sexual experience. If you want to explore the spiritual side of (gay) Tantra, please check out the store at urbangay.org. You’ll find several recommended books there about the subject.

The beginning of a Tantric ritual (or let us call it Tantric sex) is always establishing a connection between the people. This creates a feeling of intense intimacy between the people. “I really never imagined how intense the feelings can be. It was quite a shock really when I first started and something I never imagined. It seems simple in a way, but really powerful”, is how one participant describes his first experiences. The key elements of this introduction… [End of preview]

The full Sexual Discovery for Gay Men workshop materials  are now available as a soft cover book, ebook and directly downloadable PDF!

30 days of sex positive activities, self discovery
and hot, playful learning!

Available from any good bookseller.
ISBN 978-1973779131 (soft cover)   978-1370218707 (eBook)
To order online see bookfinder  or Amazon:   US – UK – CADE – FRIT – IN – JP – BR

Or as a digital PDF download here:

Day 14: Edge yourself

Orgasm and ejaculation are not the same. Click To Tweet

Today’s objective: Understand the logic of “non-ejaculation”

If cuming, as a way of saying ejaculation, sounds like the best thing in sex to you… you are not alone: I reckon 99% of males think exactly that. The problem? Most men learn from puberty onwards that ejaculation and orgasm are the same. And that means you can’t have multiple orgasms immediately after each other. But… luckily that is simply not true. It just requires a bit of unlearning to figure out how to orgasm multiple times…

Most of the ancient techniques that teach men how to orgasm multiple times come from China, or more specifically from the Taoist teachings about sex. We will explore a bit more of these teachings over the next few days. Taoist views of sex are very different from the views mostly held in the “West”, which actually makes Taoist teachings about sex fairly sex-positive.

One of the key principles of Taoism is the reliance on different forms of energy. The most precious one? Jing (精), or sexual energy and essence, which is… [End of preview]

The full Sexual Discovery for Gay Men workshop materials  are now available as a soft cover book, ebook and directly downloadable PDF!

30 days of sex positive activities, self discovery
and hot, playful learning!

Available from any good bookseller.
ISBN 978-1973779131 (soft cover)   978-1370218707 (eBook)
To order online see bookfinder  or Amazon:   US – UK – CADE – FRIT – IN – JP – BR

Or as a digital PDF download here:

Day 1: Overview and Expectations

Some journeys are more sexy than others. Click To Tweet

Today’s objective: Get an overview over the workshop topics and what you expect.

So… are you ready to start? Great! I’m sure you have already looked at the content and seen some of the chapter headings. So let me briefly explain why the topics are there and how the journey will work.

The first part of the workshop addresses different topics surrounding sex and sexuality: it is less about doing anything, and more about the role sex plays in the society you live in. Societal influences often have a massive influence on how we see things, either consciously or unconsciously. Therefore, it is really important to think about the meaning given to sex in the society you live in – and how you respond to this.
A key theme of the first part is sex positivism. Why?

Welcome to the Sexual Discovery workshop!

Sex is emotion in motion (Mae West) Click To Tweet

Welcome! Welcome to this workshop and this journey! Starting on Saturday, the next 30 days we will talk sex. Lots of sex. In fact, a little bit of sex every day.

The key theme over the next 30 days is your own, personal and individual sexual discovery. What is it that you really like? What turn you on? What things would you like to try? Whom are you as a sexual person? And how do you use sex to relate to other people.

30 Days of Sexual Discovery… Day by Day

Your hottest summer yet:
30 days of sex positive,
playful learning – are you ready?

Just a few more days before the online version of the Sexual Discovery workshop will start! Here is a sneak peak at all the topics for each day… so make sure you check back on the 1. July to start your personal journey of sexual discovery!

  1. Overview and Aims
  2. Sex Negativity
  3. Shame
  4. Fear
  5. Sex Positivity
  6. Your sexual routines
  7. Your fantasy scripts
  8. Owning your sex
  9. Learning about sex
  10. Talking about desires
  11. Consent seeking
  12. Talking consent
  13. Exploring masturbation
  14. Non-ejaculatory masturbation
  15. Taoist breathing techniques
  16. Taoist stop techniques
  17. Taoist sex and the PC muscle
  18. Tantra breathing and connecting
  19. Tantra massage
  20. Tantra prostate massage
  21. Tantra sexuality
  22. Toys and accessories
  23. Toy Play
  24. Exploring BDSM
  25. BDSM play
  26. Public play
  27. Jealousy
  28. Playing with others
  29. Personal review
  30. The journey ahead

The welcome guide will be posted Wednesday next week… Please remember: the workshop will be available free of charge to members, and you’ll need a free membership account to access the workshop each day! If you are not already a member, then you can register here.