A guest post by Andreas
I came across the ad for the sex workshop on one of the online dating sites. Interested in what it was, I clicked the ad to find out more. Looking through the website of the workshop I found a few weekend classes being held in my city, one of which starting in two weeks. Without much thinking, I decided to give it a try. My sex life for the last few months had been pretty dull. I had only a handful of online dates, and nothing ever was a real connection. Even the sex was just dull. I hadn’t been out on the scene, and didn’t really want to go, as I find it too competitive and hard for me to speak to someone. So a sex workshop seemed a thing to try and revive my sex life, maybe learn a few things or even make some friends.
With the date approaching I started to get a lot more nervous than I anticipated when I signed up: I started to have doubts about the guys. How they would react to me. I was getting nervous about being naked, as the workshop information said. If there would really be sex? How would that work? What if I don’t want to do it? A lot of questions came to my mind.
A day before the workshop all the doubt got the better of me, and I almost pulled out. What rescued it was that an email with the directions had the phone number of the workshop trainer. Full of doubts I called him, secretly hoping he would tell me not to come.
He answered and was very patient with my questions. I never expected that. I’m not a really confident guy when it comes to sex. I see lots of guys who are just going for it, in bars or wherever. But that is not me. I get horny, I think I can do it, but then I get scared. That’s how I would describe me. And the workshop was exactly this.
So I was glad to hear some reassuring words from the trainer, who also told me that I could always pull out. But before, he encouraged me to give it a try. The environment would be quite different to a sex club or sauna. And they also had a separate space where one could go and take a break. Also he told me that my doubts were totally normal. Most guys had those doubts, and I’ll see how they are nervous on the day, too.
Nervously I went to the venue on the day. It was an early evening “check-in”, where everyone arrived before the start of the main workshop the next day. I was way too early, so I went to a have a coffee around the corner. Again, I nearly pulled out, but eventually I got myself together and went over to the venue.
The venue was a little hidden. When I arrived I was greeted by the trainer and a few other men sitting in what looked like a kitchen. To my relief they were all dressed. Most people also seemed quiet and normal, not at all how I imagined this to be. More men joined us, but most seemed not to know anyone. This was a bit of a relief, as I imagined lots of couples would be there. But it also meant many people were just sitting there quietly.
When the time came to start, we were asked to take off our shoes and move to the main room. The trainer started by explaining the rules of the workshop. Still fully dressed, we eventually started to have some ice breaking activities. These included hugging and touching at some point, but it was all very respectful and in a really supportive and positive way. After the introduction session everyone walked to a nearby restaurant to have dinner together. It really felt very different from anything I have ever experienced: like a connection had been made.
I’m not going to give away too much of what happened over the next two days of the workshop. But for me it was an amazing experience. We talked about our fears, our sex life, our sexual roles. Yes, we did get naked. No, we didn’t have any full on sex with each other. But what we did was built trust and shared an amazing experience. Different to the hook ups and dates I had met on the scene. Something much deeper than I imagined. It was a different experience to anything I had ever experienced.
The outcome of the workshop was not just that I had made new friends. I also learned some techniques. The most important outcome, however, was that I learned how to face myself and my fears. I embraced the core theme of sex-positivity and although it still is a journey to be traveled for me, I feel now a very changed man. Changed for the better. And I just booked my next workshop. This time, without the fears. But looking forward to a weekend with like-minded guys, making new connections, learning new things and exploring more about what I really want.
Andreas is in his mid-forties and lives alone together with his dog in a big city in a small country… Thank you to Andreas for this guest post!