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Day 28: Playing with others

Today’s objective: Thinking about adding others into your play Opening up can be a tricky subject for some people, while others see it as a natural part of gay sex. Some couples avoid it all together, others have elaborate rules on where, when and how – while other couples, or indeed people living in polyamorous relationships, embrace it wholeheartedly. The variety of constellations around playing with more than “the one” are truly fascinating. The fact to remember that sex and love are linked, but not the same is essential in this respect. I have come across many people who would […]

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Day 27: Jealousy

Today’s objective: Identify and talk about jealousy It is impossible to talk about sex, and adopting a sex positive attitude without also considering at least briefly jealousy. Of course, some people are more jealous than others, and some people even assume that jealousy is a sign of love. Some psychologists have identified jealousy to plague around a third of partnerships, often with disastrous results for the relationship. Most people feel jealous once in a while – or they think they will be jealous. A little observation: many people who go as a couple to a sex workshop assume that they […]

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Day 26: Playing in public or outside

Today’s objective: Think about playing… in public or outside So far this workshop has focused mostly on the “technical” aspects of sex: that is to say one thing that the workshop hasn’t focused on, is where to play… However, exploring different options can create lots of excitement and add a lot of spice to your sex life. Gay culture is, of course, full of public places where sex between men happens: parks, toilets and beaches for example. Sex bars, clubs, darkrooms and saunas also have a lot of public play spaces. Yet, it is an interesting observation, that many guys […]

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Day 25: Playing BDSM

Today’s objective: Talking about scenes and creating consent Yesterday you created three different scene outlines for BDSM scenes, one focusing mostly on sensation, one on power and a third one according to what you like. The focus today will be to focus more on one of the scenes and create the appropriate consent and negotiate the scene. Particularly with BDSM, but also with other sex play, negotiating, imagining and designing the scene can be a major turn on for the people involved. Hence, don’t underestimate the power of scene planning! If you are doing this workshop with a regular partner, […]

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Day 24: Exploring BDSM

Today’s objective: Find out more about how BDSM can become part of your sex life. BDSM, Bondage, Domination, Submission/Sadism and Masochism, can at first seem scary to some people, mostly because it is largely misunderstood and misrepresented. Often it is portrayed as extreme forms of dominance and submission, though in reality, it often is much tamer and consensual than it appears at first. So, cast your preconceptions aside, and think of it as a way of fulfilling all sorts of fantasies, including some you would probably not have thought of as being BDSM… [End of preview] The full Sexual Discovery […]

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Day 23: Playing with Toys

Today’s objective: Create a toy play scene Yesterday you should have created a wish-list of three toys or accessories by visiting a sex shop. Probably, you have already imagined how you could use these: either alone or maybe with someone else. Today is the day to bring using one of them to live… The objective today is to create a scene where you use one of the three toys from your wish-list – but involving another person. If you are doing this workshop alone, then think about the scene and how you’d use the toy on someone else – or […]

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Day 22: Toys and Accessories

Today’s objective: Think about how toys and accessories can spice up your sex life. Toys and accessories can bring completely new experiences to whatever sex life you choose to have. And the number of different gadgets, gizmos and gimmicks available are pretty infinite. Yet, with all that variety, many toys get banned into the uncomfortable position of replacements for the real thing, a bit like masturbation. Which is a real shame, as they can enhance any play: alone, as a couple or a group. So, maybe it is time to liberate those devices and brig them centre stage. You probably […]

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Day 17: Taoist Sex and the PC Muscle

Today’s objective: Explore Taoist views and strengthen your PC muscle The last three days we focused on ideas born within the tradition of Taoism. Today the focus is on expanding a little beyond the techniques and see how Taoism views sexuality – including gay sex. The basic premise of all sex in Taoism is the balance of yin, the female force, and yang, the male force. Taoism believes that when two people have sex with each other, they charge each: so for two men, two yang meet each other. The result is more sexual energy. Something which makes balancing the […]

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Day 15: Taoist Breathing, the Microcosmic Orbit

Today’s objective: Learn to breathe to prolong sex without ejaculation While you were performing yesterday’s activity, you might have noticed the crucial role that breathing has when you are close to cuming. Many guys speed up their breath when they are approaching orgasm, some hold their breath immediately before. As during Taoist sex you try to avoid ejaculation (but not orgasm) you can use breath as a way to control you. The most basic way is to intentionally breathe slowly and regularly. For some guys slowing down the breathing is enough to bump you over the line between orgasm and […]

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Day 13: Wanking and Masturbation

Today’s objective: Celebrate having sex with yourself Wanking or masturbation is a tricky topic for many, riddled with shame and guilt. Many people grow up to associate masturbation as an inferior replacement to having sex with someone else. Or worse, that having sex with yourself is deeply connected to evil, lust and sin, and therefore a ticket to go to hell straightaway. The problem with all of this? You’re missing out on having sex with the one person who totally understands you, is always horny when you are… and knows exactly how to make you feel right. At least if… […]

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