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Three reasons to get active for every gay man

A guest post by Paul, who is the curator for the @urbangay twitter this week, follow him, interact and talk to him on twitter until Sunday! This week I’m taking over the @urbangay twitter account for a week. My interest is mainly in being healthy and active, and I think it is something really important. Not just because of the obvious and well-known health reasons (and making for better sex!). But there are three more reasons why it is especially important for gay men. Here they are: 1) It’s great to make you feel good Engaging in sports and eating […]

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Why do gay men put up with so much mediocre sex?

A guest post by Daniel As gay men some of us have lots of sex. And in many places. At least if we want to: we can pick up a guy on the way to work on the train, have sex with guys during our lunch break, at the gym showers in the afternoon and afterwards we can have a threesome with the hot couple from Grindr. Sex is what we are, our favourite hobby and plenty of sex is what we have. I’m one of these guys who used to have lots of sex. I live in London, so […]

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Welcome to 30 Days for Self-love!

Welcome to the 30 Days Self-Love! Starting on the 1 May and over the next 30 days this program will focus on developing and fostering your self-love, as loving yourself is probably the most important thing you can do. Without loving yourself, it is hard to develop and keep good relationships, stick up for yourself and support others. But loving yourself is not as easy as it sounds: with the stresses of modern, daily life, especially as gay men, it is hard to find time and motivation to look at yourself and see how beautiful you really are. But not […]

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Day 1: Self-love basics

Today’s objective: Understand the concept of self-love and how it relates to self-confidence and self-esteem. Today let’s start with the very basics of the program: looking at the three concepts which are often confused when it comes to how we relate to ourselves: self-confidence, self-esteem – and the idea of self-love. Of course, it is true to say that all three are inter-connected. But it is very important to figure out the differences to achieve actual self-love. To do this, I’ll first look briefly at the very traditional concepts of self-confidence and self-esteem – and then show how self-love relates […]

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Day 2: Gratitude

Today’s objective: Understand why gratitude is so important for self-love and how to develop this skill. Following on from yesterday, the main area of concern is thus self-esteem. In particular, the aim of the program is to develop not just esteem (it is always there in a form or another) – but a specific type of esteem: Accepting and unconditional love. A love that recognises the little problems, but doesn’t loose sight of the bigger picture. In other words, a love that is based on a realistic evaluation of yourself. Often self-esteem programs fall into the trap of trying to […]

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Day 3: Kindness

Today’s objective: Identify the key role kindness can play in developing self-love – and love for others. The next of the five mental tools to develop self-love is kindness, both for yourself as well as for others. While gratitude is traditionally mostly concerned with what you receive, the other four, including kindness are, in fact, two way streets: they have the amazing ability of being positive both ways – when used towards yourself as well as towards others. But what exactly counts as kindness? Kindness is notoriously hard to define: It can be doing something “kind”, like running an errand […]

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Day 4: Self-Care

Today’s objective: Understanding that caring for yourself and others go hand in hand. Regularly caring for yourself can seem like it is selfish. It also seems a contradiction to helping others: but it isn’t. At least not, if it is practiced in a way that is balanced with helping others (which in turn is a really great impetus for self-love). In fact, when self-care is exercised as balanced activity, it makes sure you have the power and ability to help others. Thus, it is an essential part of caring for others – and critical for maintaining you in a healthy […]

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Day 30: Review

Today’s objective: A quick review of all the main topics – and planning ahead! You have reached the final day of this 30 Days workshop. Well done and congratulations on completing the entire journey! Over the last month, the workshop has introduced many small (and sometimes not so small) tricks, tools and ways to increase your self-love. While completing yesterday’s activity, hopefully, you already noticed a few positive changes to your life. Let’s quickly recap the main topic areas: Firstly, we looked at the three concepts self-confidence, self-esteem and self-love. Remember: they are often related but very different in the […]

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Day 29: Gains and Progress

Today’s objective: Review the personal journey you have made over the course of this program. Well done on reaching almost the end of the 30 day program! Before we review all of the key messages of the 30 days tomorrow, today is your opportunity of reviewing your immense personal journey that you have made. The most important thing is now that you keep up the great work that you have started. Making changes is never an easy process. You were probably used to doing things and seeing yourself in the old way for a very “I went from questioning myself […]

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Day 28: Coping Statements

Today’s objective: Identify a series of coping statements As the final step in building ways to deal with potential setbacks or problem situations on your way to a happier and more self-loving person, today’s focus will be on developing a set of coping statements. Coping statements are small, supportive sayings, ideas or quotes that help you through tough times. They are an example of positive self-talk, which you can recall when a situation gets challenging. There is really no “I went from questioning myself and self doubting to building love for myself. Thank you!” The full workshop with all activities […]

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