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Three reasons to get active for every gay man

A guest post by Paul, who is the curator for the @urbangay twitter this week, follow him, interact and talk to him on twitter until Sunday! This week I’m taking over the @urbangay twitter account for a week. My interest is mainly in being healthy and active, and I think it is something really important. Not just because of the obvious and well-known health reasons (and making for better sex!). But there are three more reasons why it is especially important for gay men. Here they are: 1) It’s great to make you feel good Engaging in sports and eating […]

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I went to a Gay Sex Workshop

A guest post by Andreas I came across the ad for the sex workshop on one of the online dating sites. Interested in what it was, I clicked the ad to find out more. Looking through the website of the workshop I found a few weekend classes being held in my city, one of which starting in two weeks. Without much thinking, I decided to give it a try. My sex life for the last few months had been pretty dull. I had only a handful of online dates, and nothing ever was a real connection. Even the sex was […]

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Day 1: Self-love basics

Today’s objective: Understand the concept of self-love and how it relates to self-confidence and self-esteem. Today let’s start with the very basics of the program: looking at the three concepts which are often confused when it comes to how we relate to ourselves: self-confidence, self-esteem – and the idea of self-love. Of course, it is true to say that all three are inter-connected. But it is very important to figure out the differences to achieve actual self-love. To do this, I’ll first look briefly at the very traditional concepts of self-confidence and self-esteem – and then show how self-love relates […]

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Day 2: Gratitude

Today’s objective: Understand why gratitude is so important for self-love and how to develop this skill. Following on from yesterday, the main area of concern is thus self-esteem. In particular, the aim of the program is to develop not just esteem (it is always there in a form or another) – but a specific type of esteem: Accepting and unconditional love. A love that recognises the little problems, but doesn’t loose sight of the bigger picture. In other words, a love that is based on a realistic evaluation of yourself. Often self-esteem programs fall into the trap of trying to […]

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Day 3: Kindness

Today’s objective: Identify the key role kindness can play in developing self-love – and love for others. The next of the five mental tools to develop self-love is kindness, both for yourself as well as for others. While gratitude is traditionally mostly concerned with what you receive, the other four, including kindness are, in fact, two way streets: they have the amazing ability of being positive both ways – when used towards yourself as well as towards others. But what exactly counts as kindness? Kindness is notoriously hard to define: It can be doing something “kind”, like running an errand […]

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Day 4: Self-Care

Today’s objective: Understanding that caring for yourself and others go hand in hand. Regularly caring for yourself can seem like it is selfish. It also seems a contradiction to helping others: but it isn’t. At least not, if it is practiced in a way that is balanced with helping others (which in turn is a really great impetus for self-love). In fact, when self-care is exercised as balanced activity, it makes sure you have the power and ability to help others. Thus, it is an essential part of caring for others – and critical for maintaining you in a healthy […]

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Day 29: Gains and Progress

Today’s objective: Review the personal journey you have made over the course of this program. Well done on reaching almost the end of the 30 day program! Before we review all of the key messages of the 30 days tomorrow, today is your opportunity of reviewing your immense personal journey that you have made. The most important thing is now that you keep up the great work that you have started. Making changes is never an easy process. You were probably used to doing things and seeing yourself in the old way for a very “I went from questioning myself […]

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Day 11: Compliments

Today’s objective: Learning to give yourself small compliments, and how this can affect your day and rest. Today we are rolling self-love and gratitude into one: and make it a habit for 10 days. Are you ready for this? What do you normally think of before you go to sleep? Bills? What could have been better during the day? What you’ll do tomorrow? Those are probably the most frequent things people think about just before they rest. The result: sleeping with worries on your mind can seriously disrupt End of the preview. “I went from questioning myself and self doubting […]

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Day 8: Reframing

Today’s objective: Learning the powerful tool of reframing minor irritations as opportunities for improvement and positivity. After completing the section on the main “tools” for self-love: gratitude, kindness, caring, forgiving and generosity – and the main outcome, positivity, today we start to put these into action with an exercise that starts to challenge self-loathing behaviour and assumptions – and replaces them with self-loving and also often more realistic ideas. The idea behind the exercise today is to train the mind to “reframe” minor negative events End of the preview. “I went from questioning myself and self doubting to building love […]

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Day 7: Positivity

If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door. (Milton Berle) Today’s objective: Understanding why positivity is essential for recognising opportunities going forward. If you remember the basic idea from day 2, gratitude, kindness, caring, forgiving and generosity together create an altogether more positive outlook, and in turn contribute to a more positive self-esteem and thus help to generate true self-love. In other words, these activities generate “positivity” and optimism. However, while each one of the previous five activities are powerful tools, the brain also can be trained to recognise more actively positive patterns. This is especially important when confronted with negative […]

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