Last week I wrote about the benefits regular meditation has on your sex life. This week I’ll expand this to write about the benefits that combining elements of meditation and sex has, in the form of tantric sex – not just for gay guys, of course.Tantra is to sex what slow is to fast food: a totally different experience Click To Tweet
- Expand your sexual repertoire
We live in a fast world: fast food, fast sex. Sadly, when it comes to sex, we are constantly exposed to forms of quick and rapid hookups and sex: just think of the average porn scene – from undressing to orgasm in five minutes. No wonder we have become “fast sex junkies”. But just as no person can (or at least should not!) live from fast food alone, having only fast sex simply is a bad idea. Try to slow down and go slow food … or tantric sex once in a while.
- Share real connection with someone
Much of today’s sex is also focused on the orgasm itself: whatever way you get there, the main act is often cumming. Of course, it is a great feeling… but focusing so much on orgasm (both in the sense of getting to it – or sometimes avoiding it for a while) takes your attention away from the real purpose of sex: the actual connection with someone else.
- Move beyond sexual small talk
Have you ever been to a networking party? How did you feel afterwards? Excited maybe? Wanted to know more about one or two people you met? Disappointed at the superficiality of the talking? Fast sex really has a lot in coming with networking parties: you connect for a few minutes on a sexual level and then move on. Don’t get me wrong – networking parties are great (so is fast sex, thank you!). But they can’t ever be as emotionally satisfactory as a long dinner or spending a day together. In the same way, tantric sex allows you to move beyond the sexual small talk – and have sexual conversation.
- Learn a whole new language
Learning new languages is a great thing, isn’t it? It expands your horizons, lets you see the world in different words… what if I tell you there is a language out there that is universal, but most people have forgotten how to speak it? Enter the language of sexual communication: no words, based on breathing – and offering pure erotic and sexual connection. Sounds like a mouthful? That’s because it is… it’s not easy when you do it for the first time – but imagine the benefits a whole new language can bring when you master it.
- Learn to give and receive love
Traditional sex is mostly focused on giving and receiving satisfaction. Of course, that can be great – and good if you both get it (or annoying if you end up with a hook up who cums and then doesn’t reciprocate). Naturally, giving and receiving satisfaction is great. But in tantric sex you can actually move beyond the satisfaction focus, and through the more intimate connection learn to give a real feeling of love with your partner or loved one. [If you are into the spiritual side of it, you talk about the heart chakra opening here…]
- More than sexual satisfaction
Sex is great, it’s satisfying. Cumming is a great stress reliever. It makes people happy – and there are many good physiological reasons for that. The problem is, that in traditional sex, you get a quick hit of the satisfaction (physiologically for example through a massive hit of oxytocin) and then you crash a bit like coming down from a sugar high. With tantric sex, things are slower, longer – like a low GI food: it will keep you satisfied longer.
Of course, all of these benefits don’t come in one go. When starting out, I remember going to a tantra workshop and nearly falling asleep… I had become so unaccustomed to this form of sex. I couldn’t understand the language, I kept thinking about cumming and the idea of just touching the other guy for even ten minutes without ‘real sex’ felt like a total foreign territory. I’m also not exactly someone who goes for all the spiritual stuff – at least not as long as there isn’t a reasonable explanation (like the importance of oxytocin!). Luckily though I persisted with myself a bit, and after a few times I discovered how much more interesting I can make sex with people I really care about when I move beyond the quick and satisfaction-focused “fun only” approach. So, I totally get you if you find tantric sex weird or even confusing at first – or totally don’t get the benefits of it. But persist a bit, and I guarantee you, you’ll learn not just to cum – but give and receive satisfaction, love and real inner connection on a whole new level.