Three reasons to get active for every gay man

A guest post by Paul, who is the curator for the @urbangay twitter this week, follow him, interact and talk to him on twitter until Sunday! This week I’m taking over the @urbangay twitter account for a week. My interest is mainly in being healthy and active, and I think it is something really important. Not just because of the obvious and well-known health reasons (and making for better sex!). But there are three more reasons why it is especially important for gay men. Here they are: 1) It’s great to make you feel good Engaging in sports and eating […]

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Why do gay men put up with so much mediocre sex?

A guest post by Daniel As gay men some of us have lots of sex. And in many places. At least if we want to: we can pick up a guy on the way to work on the train, have sex with guys during our lunch break, at the gym showers in the afternoon and afterwards we can have a threesome with the hot couple from Grindr. Sex is what we are, our favourite hobby and plenty of sex is what we have. I’m one of these guys who used to have lots of sex. I live in London, so […]

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Day 28: Playing with others

Today’s objective: Thinking about adding others into your play Opening up can be a tricky subject for some people, while others see it as a natural part of gay sex. Some couples avoid it all together, others have elaborate rules on where, when and how – while other couples, or indeed people living in polyamorous relationships, embrace it wholeheartedly. The variety of constellations around playing with more than “the one” are truly fascinating. The fact to remember that sex and love are linked, but not the same is essential in this respect. I have come across many people who would […]

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Day 27: Jealousy

Today’s objective: Identify and talk about jealousy It is impossible to talk about sex, and adopting a sex positive attitude without also considering at least briefly jealousy. Of course, some people are more jealous than others, and some people even assume that jealousy is a sign of love. Some psychologists have identified jealousy to plague around a third of partnerships, often with disastrous results for the relationship. Most people feel jealous once in a while – or they think they will be jealous. A little observation: many people who go as a couple to a sex workshop assume that they […]

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Day 26: Playing in public or outside

Today’s objective: Think about playing… in public or outside So far this workshop has focused mostly on the “technical” aspects of sex: that is to say one thing that the workshop hasn’t focused on, is where to play… However, exploring different options can create lots of excitement and add a lot of spice to your sex life. Gay culture is, of course, full of public places where sex between men happens: parks, toilets and beaches for example. Sex bars, clubs, darkrooms and saunas also have a lot of public play spaces. Yet, it is an interesting observation, that many guys […]

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Day 25: Playing BDSM

Today’s objective: Talking about scenes and creating consent Yesterday you created three different scene outlines for BDSM scenes, one focusing mostly on sensation, one on power and a third one according to what you like. The focus today will be to focus more on one of the scenes and create the appropriate consent and negotiate the scene. Particularly with BDSM, but also with other sex play, negotiating, imagining and designing the scene can be a major turn on for the people involved. Hence, don’t underestimate the power of scene planning! If you are doing this workshop with a regular partner, […]

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Day 24: Exploring BDSM

Today’s objective: Find out more about how BDSM can become part of your sex life. BDSM, Bondage, Domination, Submission/Sadism and Masochism, can at first seem scary to some people, mostly because it is largely misunderstood and misrepresented. Often it is portrayed as extreme forms of dominance and submission, though in reality, it often is much tamer and consensual than it appears at first. So, cast your preconceptions aside, and think of it as a way of fulfilling all sorts of fantasies, including some you would probably not have thought of as being BDSM… [End of preview] The full Sexual Discovery […]

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Day 23: Playing with Toys

Today’s objective: Create a toy play scene Yesterday you should have created a wish-list of three toys or accessories by visiting a sex shop. Probably, you have already imagined how you could use these: either alone or maybe with someone else. Today is the day to bring using one of them to live… The objective today is to create a scene where you use one of the three toys from your wish-list – but involving another person. If you are doing this workshop alone, then think about the scene and how you’d use the toy on someone else – or […]

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Day 22: Toys and Accessories

Today’s objective: Think about how toys and accessories can spice up your sex life. Toys and accessories can bring completely new experiences to whatever sex life you choose to have. And the number of different gadgets, gizmos and gimmicks available are pretty infinite. Yet, with all that variety, many toys get banned into the uncomfortable position of replacements for the real thing, a bit like masturbation. Which is a real shame, as they can enhance any play: alone, as a couple or a group. So, maybe it is time to liberate those devices and brig them centre stage. You probably […]

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Day 14: Edge yourself

Today’s objective: Understand the logic of “non-ejaculation” If cuming, as a way of saying ejaculation, sounds like the best thing in sex to you… you are not alone: I reckon 99% of males think exactly that. The problem? Most men learn from puberty onwards that ejaculation and orgasm are the same. And that means you can’t have multiple orgasms immediately after each other. But… luckily that is simply not true. It just requires a bit of unlearning to figure out how to orgasm multiple times… Most of the ancient techniques that teach men how to orgasm multiple times come from […]

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