Mindfulness, sexuality, tantra, fun and fitness for gay men


Sexual Discovery… the book

Great news! I’m super loving the cover of the book which accompanies the online workshop “30 Days of Sexual Discovery”. The book is now available to pre-order from most e-bookstores (ISBN 9781370218707). If you want the complete workshop to download automatically to your favourite reader when it launches on the 31 July, you can now pre-order the book. Of course, don’t forget to join from the 1 July first… for 30 days free right here on urbangay.org.

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Coming 1 July: 30 Days Sexual Discovery

30 days of sex positive activities, self discovery and hot, playful learning! The free, 30 day of workshop will start 1 July, exclusively for urbangay members. Broaden your sexual horizon: experiment with new ways to play, discover ancient sex secrets and write your very own sexual manifesto! From multiorgasmic play to kink – it’s a journey like no other. Topics covered in the workshop: Develop a sex positive attitude Dealing with fear, shame and guilt How to “own” your sex Making consent sexy Taoist multiorgasm techniques Tantra intimacy rituals Toys, BDSM and public play Jealousy and relationships. I never really […]

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Coming soon on urbangay

Ready for more? Great! Because there is some great new and free stuff coming up on urbangay! All you need to do… is be there! If you haven’t looked at the upcoming “30 day” series coming up, have a look here. And the first one will start next Monday – so here is a sneak preview of what you can expect from Self love: body, mind, soul ! The gay scene and modern gay life can be a hard place to love yourself. Much is about competition, being better and sadly, little is about recognising just how amazing you as […]

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Making changes? Top 5 tips to keep on track!

If you read self-help advice or websites on how to make changes in your life, it often seems that change is fast and easy. But once anyone embarks on making changes, they quickly realise that things don’t go quite as quickly as planned. So it is really important to remember, when you make changes to your life, give yourself time for change to happen. You will have setbacks, you may even loose all motivation for a while. But that is just a sign that you are on the right track: it may feel like not making much progress, but you […]

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Touch, Hug, Cuddle for instant magic

We have become a pretty touch-phobic society: touching someone has become almost exclusively reserved to sexual touch. Ironically, touch can communicate many more emotions: anger, fear, disgust, love, gratitude, sympathy, happiness, and sadness. And a lack of touch (let alone hugging and cuddling) can make us really seriously ill. But we don’t have to look just at the negative effects of not-touching. There are great reasons for including touch in your relationship – and many don’t have to be sexual at all, of course. In fact, non-sexual touching, hugging and even cuddling in particular can have a massively positive effect […]

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Interview with urbangay founder Stephan

Tell us a bit more about the idea behind urbangay? Urbangay is really an invitation to pause and build an individual philosophy about your life and your sexuality. As such it is collection of different tools and ideas to help live happier and more purposeful lives for gay men. In some ways, I guess, it is about finding a positive response to the often toxic environment in which gay men live. It combines both life-coaching and sexuality skills and tools to help guys create the life and sexuality they really want: a place where they can fully live and be […]

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How long is good sex?

Here is an age-old question: how long does sex (on average) last? Well… at least for heterosexual couples, it seems the answer is a (quite short) 5.4 minutes – or a little longer than your average porn clip (around 4 minutes if it shows a “full sex scene”). Long? Short? What do you think? In fact…, apart from making headline news, how meaningful is such a number? Giving such a number implies that the duration of sex is somehow an indication of how good sex is: the longer the better? Indeed, it implies that sex is somehow measurable – from […]

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Meaningful Compliments

What do you say to someone to compliment them? You look great? I like your hair style? Wow… the training at the gym really shows? All to often it seems we default, especially in the gay world to compliments related to appearance. Of course, this makes a lot of sense, as most people love to hear something about the way they look. The problem is that it easily creates the impression that the most attractive feature of the person opposite is their appearance. In fact, in the absence of other compliments, it can easily lead to the idea that the […]

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Let’s talk Vintage Porn

Porn? Tricky subject. I don’t know about you… but I really feel very unsure about porn these days. On the one side, it is great stuff. Educational, liberating and it has a lot of positives. But on the other hand, porn seems to cause a lot of problems. From body image problems to ideas about what sex should be like. I certainly had a fair share of lovers and people I spoke to over the years, who seemed to reenact, sometimes unwillingly, porn scenes – and were usually disappointed with the real thing. Some guys I spoke to even went […]

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4 little Happiness Rituals

A friend recently shared this article about 4 “rituals” to make you happy as seen by a neuroscientist on Facebook.  As I read through it, I was really glad to see how this scientific view supports what I’m doing here together with you guys – as part of the bootcamp and as part of the upcoming “30 Days for…” series. Let’s see what the scientist said: 4 simple strategies to make you happy: 1. Practice gratitude 2. Label negative feelings 3. Make that decision 4. Touch people 1. Practice gratitude Day 19 of the bootcamp was all about that. But […]

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