Guest post by Rob J.
Let me get this out first: I’m Rob… and I’m part of the Happy, Healthier and More Active “beta team”. This means I got to test drive the 30 day program starting in September on urbangay.org. Today I wanted to give you the low down on one one of the days that I think had the most surprising effect. This day was the no hook-up apps day.
I’m not giving too much away, but actually it was more than a day: the program asks you to delete all the hook up stuff for one week. Instead, go and try to hook up the old fashioned way: bras, clubs, saunas, cruising. And then think back after a week. The reflection stuff that always comes with the programs.
To be honest, this part of the program freaked me out. I wouldn’t say I’m a Grindr slave, but I love the app. It is probably amongst my top three apps: quick check in in the morning. At lunch time. In-between at work. I love the idea that I can cruise and be cruised anytime anyplace. Sure, there are some jerks on the app, but at least once or twice a week, I hooked up with a lot of guys. And when we did, it was mostly fun. I love sex, I love to fuck around and this was a great way to hook up for me. I also had none of the app shame some guys talk about, or was embarrassed about being seen on the app. To me Grindr meant cock fast. Maybe I should say I live in a big city, so it was kind of easy. This maybe different if you are in the countryside!
To me giving up Grindr was like a mission from hell. I can do sport. Eating fruit and buying a cinema ticket. But this was one mission I cursed Stephan for.
I actually thought of simply not doing it all together. But I made the mistake and told Stephan this… His response was to ask how much sex I had last week: truth be told, I hooked up with one guy and it was a bad one. So he suggested to give it a try and face the challenge of trying to hook up with guys without knowing their cock, their size and preferences first. And to “go out and do it”, as that is the key message of the program.
First hurdle for me was to find an alternative: I know close to where I I work some guys use a toilet to meet. I know a sauna. I know a sex club. But these places had become alien to me in years of Grindr hook ups. In fact, I was surprised they still existed at all.
Second hurdle: Time. I can have lunch, check Grindr and get a blow job. I can’t have lunch and go to a sauna to get a blow job. Or at least I thought that.
Third hurdle: Communications. How do you signal to a guy wanking at a toilet to follow you to somewhere quiet? Easy on an app. How do you even signal to other guys around you that you’re up for it? Without looking like from a cheap porn scene?
The easy option was to give up and just let a week pass. But I wanted to try. And the result? Some bits were shit… but I discovered a lot more options for sex and how to get sex fast.
Here are my personal highlights: The toilet close to work is really pretty active. Yep, you get cock teases and guys who just want to look. I figured them out after a few visits. Which means you can focus on the real guys who are up for it. And because they are and you are, I found things actually worked easier there. Not always great sex, but definitely quick.
I’m also fortunate enough to work close to a sex club. They have a lunch time special, which means for a drink you get in. You can also go after work, but I found the guys in the toilet to be better then. Doing your lunch naked amongst guys having sex is strange. For me it means you have a 1 in 2 chance of having fun – even if you are picky. Sex is definitely better there, the guys can be hotter in the toilet. But, as I didn’t even know this place existed before, so that was a good find.
The expensive option: sauna. I keep that for after clubbing or after going out. It is just too expensive to spend just half an hour there. The annoying thing: I spot guys on Grindr in the sauna now.
OK. I should tell you that I reinstalled Grindr after the week (subscription, you know). This is three weeks ago. I have been on it twice. And met one guy. The rest of my hook ups were in real life.
My point is that all of the other options are actually better for getting off. I don’t get off every day. But I have met hot guys, and I hook up most days. Sometimes it is just a wank. Sometimes a group thing with several guys worthy of a porn movie. It is a game. On balance: I now think Grindr is more fantasy and less doing. I know it is a personal thing: I love sex. I love having lots of it and with many guys and I’m open to that. And after a week without Grindr I realised how much time I spent trying to get sex on it while actually ending up getting little. I also holed myself in and forgot about all the other options. To me, that is what I learned from the experience: Go out and do it works.
I hope you enjoyed this reflection on the program. If you’re joining in September, get ready to do some stuff. Some of it will be ok, some of it so so. But some of it will be great.
Thanks Rob for this post! You’ll meet Rob again as part of the program.