What do you say to someone to compliment them? You look great? I like your hair style? Wow… the training at the gym really shows?
All to often it seems we default, especially in the gay world to compliments related to appearance. Of course, this makes a lot of sense, as most people love to hear something about the way they look.
The problem is that it easily creates the impression that the most attractive feature of the person opposite is their appearance. In fact, in the absence of other compliments, it can easily lead to the idea that the most important aspect is their appearance, even if you love and/or respect them for everything else they do.
I recently tried to stay away from compliments about appearance: not because I don’t think that the people I compliment are indeed often very good looking, but because I think it is about time we celebrate not just the six pack and the chiselled chest… but, let us be honest, celebrate what most of us really love about a person: the way they act, their personality, wit or intellect or the way they make us feel (and yes, the latter also includes sexually).
Admittedly, I struggled a bit with this. Not least, because it is all to easy to make a comment about something obvious like “I love your eyes” than to think a little deeper and say something about the character of the person (and with meaningful compliments you really do have to look a lot deeper, as otherwise they are just hollow words and sound amazingly stupid!). So, if you want to show the superficial compliment culture a cold shoulder, I have a few suggestions below. Or maybe you have some really nice compliments that you have received, or given… then please share them here as an inspiration and to show that looks are really just “skin deep”.
Your kindness really shows.
You really make me laugh so much.
I love how passionate you are about XYZ
It’s great to have you in my life, because you …
Spending time with you is really always amazing.
The way you make me feel [when doing XYZ] is just amazing.
I really value your [skill/personality trait…]
Feeling you next to me makes me happy.
I just love when I wake up next to you.
… what is your favourite, meaningful compliment? Share it below!