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Day 30: Relationships

Today is our last instalment of mindfulness: a last, quick glimpse of how mindfulness can enhance your personal relationships – with your lover, partner(s) and also friends.

While some of the activities in the last few days might have been challenging for you. Especially if you have completed them with your partner and you haven’t been normally openly talking about sex and intimacy. Many people going through a sexual ‘bootcamp” together as a partner find these activities very liberating, but also challenging. So it is perfectly fine if you feel a little unsure about your feelings at this moment.

But today is not just about “the one”, but about the role mindfulness can play in different relationships. While absolutely non-sexual, the activity today can be, nevertheless, challenging and liberating in equal measures. I encourage you to do this activity first with someone you trust deeply, maybe your partner. Once you feel more comfortable with the activity, you can repeat the activity with other people in your life.

The aim of the exercise is to bring you, and your activity partner, ‘in touch’ with your feelings and emotions towards each other. Often people have very strong feelings as a result of it, and that is expected.

To start the activity, stand back to back with your partner, touching only at your shoulders. Become fully mindful to the feelings and emotions this brings up. Remain standing like this, in complete silence, for at least three to four minutes. Just focus and observe your feelings.
After four minutes, both of you should take a step away from each other. Again, check in with your feelings, now away from your partner and without touching him. Repeat this another two times, remaining in pose for about three to four minutes each.
After three steps, turn around and face your partner. Look into his eyes, look at his body. At everything that you see and check in with your feelings and emotions. How does it feel looking at him? How have your feelings changed during different positions during the activity?

As I said before, many people have said this activity brings up many different feelings and emotions in them. Be open to them. You may have changed dramatically how you feel, you may have had different feelings about what you wanted to do, or want to do now. Embrace and acknowledge them.

As the final step in the activity, share with your partner your feelings. Work out where you both have very similar feelings. Maybe you have very different feelings in some aspects, that is ok, too. Share your feelings with empathy and kindness in the spirit of an open and growing relationship.

I hope this last activity is something both of you enjoy doing – and where you discover new ways of relating to each other. Tomorrow we will be taking a final look at where we go from here – after 30 days of mindfulness. Please remember: share how you have felt on this journey. Either by using the comment function below, or by using #ug30bc on Twitter.