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Day 26: Orgasm, Ejaculation and the role of Breathing

Yesterday I briefly touched upon the difference of orgasm and ejaculation and the idea why many tantric practitioners prefer to not ejaculate (but do have orgasms!). This distinction is absolutely crucial to understanding tantric sex. Today we expand on this a bit more. To do this, first we look at conventional sex, before moving on to compare it with tantric sex.
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To visualise conventional sex, take a look at the image above. In conventional sex, sexual activity starts at the beginning slowly building up sexual energy. It increases and accumulates in a combined orgasm and ejaculation stage (for men). That is to say, the orgasm phase is very short, and just briefly entered before climaxing in ejaculation. Ejaculation is then immediately followed by a loss of sexual energy. All of this often takes place in a very short time: most people don’t take much more than 15 or 20 minutes when having conventional sex. From entering orgasm stage to ejaculation may take just a few second.
I also included in the above diagram premature ejaculation. You can see the frustration arising from it: it is reached before reaching the orgasm stage, but, just as all ejaculation, results in an immediate loss of sexual energy. The person needs to “recover” for a bit, take a break and then can start again.normalplay.002
As you can see from the diagram above, tantric sex is very different:
The first visible difference are the multiple orgasms that occur – without ejaculation, as that would lead to a loss of sexual energy. Instead, every time the tantric practitioner gets close to ejaculating, the play is gently stopped, brought back to just about before orgasm stage. It can then move back into the orgasm stage, normally with slightly longer time in the orgasm stage and a slightly stronger orgasm before the “danger point” of ejaculation is reached. In short, tantric sex “cycles” in and out of the orgasm stage, and keeps the person for longer and longer time in the orgasm stage. Full tantric sessions can last very, very long: experienced practitioners can have sex for several hours.
The second difference is that as sexual energy is never completely lost through ejaculation, it can always be quickly reactivated. Many tantric practitioners need much less time to reach orgasm stage than people who practice tantra only occasionally. More over, especially with appropriate mind-control (which we have trained so much in part 1!), tantric practitioners can reach the stage rapidly and remain in the orgasm/ecstasy zone without ejaculating.
Thirdly, sexual energy is preserved and can be quickly reactivated, including by more gentle play with body parts which would not normally be associated to ejaculation. If you have ever seen tantric practice, you can see how people seeming reach orgasm/ecstasy stage by simple touches – something that in conventional sex would not lead to orgasm/ejaculation.

Today’s activity focuses on maintaining you in orgasm stage – and discovering the difference between orgasm and ejaculation, and to control and delay ejaculation. To do this, we use two tricks (or techniques): breathing and an “emergency stop”. I’ll quickly explain both of them:

Breathing
Think what happens when you have a conventional orgasm: Most people realise they are reaching the orgasm phase, they start to breathe heavily at first – but then contract all their muscles in the body and hold their breath for a short while before ejaculating. The last bit is essential here: the full contraction of the muscles and the holding of the breath.
One way to avoid ejaculation is to continue breathing. This is a little easier said then done though, so I suggest you keep trying it a few times. To do this, when you reach the orgasm phase start taking deeper and deeper breaths. Focus on your breath at this stage, so that it remains deep and rhythmic and avoid accelerating as in conventional sex. You may find you feel a bit like you are hyperventilating, that is perfectly ok here. This technique should help you remain in the orgasm phase for a while. However, even with strong, deep and rhythmic breaths you are likely to edge closer to ejaculation and you will need to stop or slow down the sexual stimulus. When you reach that point, slow down for a minute or two before starting again. You should notice how you reach the orgasm stage rapidly and more intensely the next time.

Emergency Stop
There are two emergency stops you can use if you are feeling you are extremely close to ejaculation:
The first one is the perineum, the area between your testicles and your anus. While gently massaging it is a stimulus – pressing it forcefully can stop ejaculation.
The second one is pressing the head of the penis. To do this, locate the frenulum, a small skin-like piece of skin that connects the foreskin to the head of the penis. To press it, hold two fingers on the opposite side (the top side when looking down), and press the frenulum with your thumb. Practice this a few times to see how it works.

Ideally, you should not need to use the emergency stop techniques, as they quite harshly interrupt the flow of the session. However, they are useful techniques to know in case things have gone a little to far.

With those two techniques, try and cycle in and out of orgasm stages today for a few times. You can try this either with a partner (taking turns on each other) – or using masturbation. The latter has the advantage that you can more closely monitor which stage you are at.
If you are doing this activity with your partner, or on your partner, pay special attention to the breathing. You are basically now communicating through breathing, and with some training should be able to signal (or notice if you are the giver) the maximum breath the receiver before ejaculation.

I hope you are enjoying the activities. Please let me know how you feel and how you are getting on. Use the comment function below to share your experiences with other bootcampers.

And don’t forget to come back tomorrow – when we look more closely at masturbation. Have a fantastic day – and remember to breathe!

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