Today we are going to look more deeply at pleasure and connection. Not just accepting yourself, but creating and growing pleasure (and sexual energy) through tantra. There is a lot of debate out there about different ways of tantra, and actually if tantra should be called tantra, or neotantra etc., much of it could easily fill a few bookstores with books. Therefore, rather than debating the basis of tantra and how to do it, let’s try to experience it and then go from there.
For this activity, you’ll need a timer (egg timer or phone timer, whatever can count 10 minutes). Ideally you should complete today’s activity with a partner. However, this may not be possible for you, so I’ll describe an alternative approach after the activity. If you want to, you could, of course, try both approaches!
Tantra Activity with a Partner
For this activity, try to aim for 10 sessions of five minutes for each partner. You can work with fewer sessions (or more). But 10 is a good number to aim for (this would mean the full activity lasts about two hours).
1. Set the timer to five minutes.
2. Sit opposite your partner and look into each others eyes, focusing only on the breathing and looking at each other. This is the “connection” phase, where you are connecting with your partner.
3. After the five minutes are over, acknowledge your partner maybe with a kiss or hug, and move to the next session.
4. Set the timer again for five minutes.
5. Touch your partners arm. Caress it gently for five minutes.
For you, focus on touching the other person: be fully in the moment, acknowledging how you feel touching him.
For the receiving partner: use mindfulness techniques to bring your full attention to being touched.
6. After five minutes, acknowledge each other – then switch roles: so now the previously receiving partner gives the touching for the next five minutes.
Now repeat steps 4 to 6 for the rest of the cycles: you can slowly move around the body – use your imagination to where you want to touch next: legs, chest, neck, feet, ass, balls, penis, scrotum, prostate… (using lubrication as necessary).
Remember two points:
1. The aim of the exercise is not to ejaculate (but see below!). If the receiving partner is feeling he is coming to close, gently stop or become very slow and let the receiving partner focus on his breath for a while.
2. Don’t expect the receiving partner to have a constant hard-on during the session, even while you are touching intimate parts of the body. The focus of the session is on giving pleasure to the receiver – not on him achieving or maintaining an erection.
Tantra Activity without a Partner
1. Take the timer and set it to five minutes.
2. For five minutes touch your abdomen. Focus completely on the feeling you get from touching you.
3. After five minutes move to the nipples. Then the thighs. In the fourth round, move to the genitals: first the perineum, then scrotum, then touch your balls. Then your penis shaft, then your glans. If you can easily reach it, you can also include your anus or prostate (using lubrication as necessary).
Similar to the partner exercise, remember to avoid ejaculation (see below!). Similarly, don’t try to achieve or maintain an erection. Focus on the feeling you are getting from touching yourself.
A final word about orgasm (vs ejaculation). For tantric practitioners orgasm and ejaculation are two different things. If you are not an experienced tantra practitioner, both are likely to mostly appear at the same time. The idea in “real” tantra is that orgasm can be achieved (with some training!) without ejaculation. This is important, as ejaculation basically means that sexual energy is lost. To visualise this, just think of what happens when people “come”. Basically that is the end of the intercourse. Hence, the idea is to avoid ejaculation, and instead achieve an increasingly powerful series of orgasm without loosing the sexual energy.
To best try this out and train yourself, use the following activity without a partner (or simply try it on yourself): Masturbate as far as you can before you are actually ejaculating. Stop. And repeat. Don’t worry if you stop a little too early in the beginning. When you feel you are starting to come, basically stop. So you are edging closer and closer to ejaculation – but without actually coming. Relax and focus on your breath for a while. Then repeat.
It will take a while, but, after a few attempts you will feel the difference between orgasm – and ejaculation.
I hope you are having a lot of fun with these activities. Don’t worry if you can’t pack them all in in one day… maybe pause for a day or two. Tomorrow we will be back and focusing on breathing, orgasm and some more tantra… Don’t miss it!
And please remember to share how you are feeling with everyone. Please use the comment function below – or #ug30bc on twitter. See you tomorrow!